This is My Story
I was raised in a household where alcohol was always present. I did not have a "NORMAL" childhood. I spent most of my childhood hiding from my feelings through drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence. And yes you can hide in fights and such as it is a way to vent some of your pain.
The first thing I remember of my Parents as a child is of my Dad throwing my Mom across the room into a bookshelf he had built. This abuse went on quite often until I was 12. My mom would scream for my older brother to help her, but as he was only 2 years older than me, he could do nothing. When I was 8 years old I had enough of the abuse and tried to stop my Dad from beating my Mom. I ran up to him and started to hit him. He picked me up by the hair of my head and threw me on the couch. I remember sitting on the couch in the living room in tears, because I knew my Mom was hurting and there was nothing I could do about it.
My Dad spent allot of time telling me and my brothers that we were worthless and would amount to nothing, I took it as the truth and had a very low self esteem of myself because of it.
I started smoking cigarette's when I was 7 years old. I took my first drink of beer when I was 8. I got into pornography at the age of 8-9 (I do not remember for sure). I started smoking pot at the age of 11 and was a pill freak at the age of 12. For those of you who do not know what a pill freak is, it is a person that will take any pill you lay in front of him and then ask you what they just took. I got very drunk for the first time at the age of 12. My mom and dad divorced shortly after this event.
I was very active in sports such as baseball and football, football being my favorite as I could vent my frustrations on the field and not get into trouble for it. I got really good at these because it was the one thing I did that my dad took notice. I wanted for him to love me and show me his attention more than life itself. I could get this from him through Football and baseball.
By the time I was 15, I was smoking about an ounce of pot each week. I would take a fifth of Jack Daniels in one hand and a gooseneck Budweiser in the other and start drinking. When the beer was gone so was the whiskey. I do not remember most of my sophomore year of high school because I was always high or drunk.
I started dating a girl when I was 16. When I turned 17 she was pregnant. We got married half way through my senior year of high school. We divorced 4 years later due to infidelity on both our parts.
I joined the Army to see the world and to be like my older brother. I requested to be sent to West Germany. In the Army I had to quit the drugs due to the drug tests we had to go through. I could still drink though and I did ALLOT of it. By the time I left West Germany 3 and 1/2 years later, I could drink a half-gallon of liquor and still get up and walk. I drove home in that shape many times.
I have been married a total of 5 times and I have 7 children from these marriages. I was very abusive in three of these relationships as all I knew how to do was to use people to get what I wanted. I abused these women verbally all the time. The second and third I abused physically and the third I abused sexually. The second and third divorces took place because of the abuse as well as infidelity. No one in these relationships had any idea of what a real family was suppose to be. My second wife was raised in a house where monogamy was not practiced and her dad sexually abused her for 14 years. My third wife was sexually and physically abused by her ex-husband beyond anything most people want to imagine let alone hear about.
I have, to date, done every drug known to man except anything that goes in a needle. I was strung out on crack for 2 years while married to my third wife. One Saturday I found us with no money and no food for our 10-month-old child. There was a church that met in the clubhouse off the apartment complex where I lived. I went down there at 12 noon to see about getting some money from them. They had not gotten out of Church yet. I went back at 1 o'clock and they were still in there having church. I went back at 2 o'clock and they were still in there. I was starting to get a little frustrated. There was a group of people coming out of the church and I asked them where the pastor was. I was told the pastor was in the church. The lady then asked me what I wanted and I told her the situation. She handed me $5.00 and invited me inside. I was dressed in a pair of shorts that was entirely to short and a muscle shirt that had sexually explicit pictures all over it. I told her I would not enter a church the way I was dressed. She told me they did not care how I looked and to come in anyway. This got my attention as I was under the belief that you did not go to church without your Sunday best on. I went in and sat there through 4 hours of preaching with my now ex wife and son. At the end of it another lady got up and asked us to come to the front of the church, as she wanted to pray for us. She prayed over us in tongues and then they took up a collection for us. They gave us $30 to get some food with. When we got back to the apartment my ex-wife started cussing and it offended me. Now I stopped and had to take a look at this as I had one of the foulest mouths there were. I asked her to not say that because it offended me. It was at this time I realized there had been a change in me. While the lady prayed over us I was delivered from all the drug addiction and alcoholism. I was delivered from the extreme temper that I had. And most of all I was delivered from the pain in my heart.
I realized that for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be loved and to love someone. I had fallen in love with Jesus. I got on my knees and started praying for the lord to teach me about him, as my ex wife left the next day and moved away, I had no one there to teach me.
The Lord held up his promise in his word that he would send the Holy Spirit to be my teacher. I was taught through several preachers on TBN and through a lot of time studying the word of God, which is the Holy Bible, and through a lot of prayer. There where men and women of God sent to me at different times to help me but the Lord never allowed any of them to stay around me for extended periods of time as he wanted to teach me himself and for me to be dependant on him. This was ok with me, as I did not trust people.
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